My third stint

 Yes, I am coming to this page after a long time. This time again disappointed. But I was somehow preparing myself to be disappointed this time around. And in a way I tried to avoid the disappointment too. So, what is this post on disappointment all about? Why did I expect a disappointment? What did I do to avoid the disappointment? And the bigger question is, if I knew I will be disappointment and finally disappointed, why am I blogging. Isn't it an expected event?

First some context on what has been happening at secunderbad as a run up to the disappointment. So, my kid has been sick for close to a week now due to viral infection. Prior to the viral infection, my kid has been having running nose for close to a month now( on and off). So, I come to secunderbad and my kid has fever and running nose. So, it was a bad start to the vacation that I had in my mind. And to that, i was not in the pink of my health too with running nose, sore throat and mild fever for over a month. So, my kid was slowly recovering and there was a annual day round the corner in my kid's play school. 

On the annual day and the run up to the annual day, my kid was not interested in the annual day practice because of reasons unknown. But one of the reasons could definitely be because of the teacher scolding my kid during the practice session. Therefore both the body condition and the teacher scolding didn't work out in favor for my kid.

So with these long paragraphs the one thing that I have managed to convey is about the content of the post - annual day for my kid. Now swiftly moving on to why I was expecting a disappointment. I somehow felt right from the beginning that my kid wouldn't be interested in this activity of dancing. Because i always felt he does things only when he likes and not when asked to. But in a dance with practice, the expectation is to perform whenever the teacher is asking you to. And in general I am slowly realizing that he won't match my expectations. Whether my expectations are too high or not is for another debate.

Now on to the next topic of what I did to avoid the disappointment. I decided to meet my friend for lunch and was planning to skip the annual day function altogether and get updates from my wife. In a way, it might look like I am a coward trying to run away from reality. But, sometimes in life running away is much better than facing things heads on. Or at least I thot that ways. But anyways, that plan didn't materialize and the whole family was really excited to participate in the annual day. So, i did eventually come back to the Annual day on time and attended it.

Ideally we would expect the answer to the last question in the first paragraph but then again, it would be unfair to complete the story without what actually happened on the annual day. The kid had a really nice dress, he was looking super cute. We took him to the venue of the event but he started crying the moment someone took him away from us. That was still fine. Then the actual performance of my kid was about to happen. He came on stage crying but i felt as soon as he was on stage he stopped crying. And then came the pivotal moment of the whole story, he saw his mom who was trying to click a photograph of him. As soon as he saw his mom, all he did was just cry, cry and only cry. And the performance came to an end.

Now to the last question, why am I blogging, inspite of expecting a disappointment. Well, I somehow feel there are a bunch of things that my kid should do and that will make me super happy. And when he doesn't do that, i feel really bad. But that being said, is it unfair to expect the kid to do something and is hope such a bad thing after all. And i have got to tell you, there was not a single temple that i missed on the road for him to perform well on stage and prayed to all the regular gods to ensure he did his part on stage well. Deep inside i was hoping it was one of the gods that will help my kid to perform well on stage. 

So, what are the next steps now. This might look like such a corporate post as soon as the what next features in the article. I think this time I am consciously trying to reduce my expectation. I mean really i am going to reduce my expectations. You know why i meant really? Because I have a big laundry list of things that I want my kid to accomplish and i always ask that to god on a daily basis. Every temple i cross by, every time I get a chance to pray in the day I consciously list the things that I want for him from god. Probably, it is time not to be so greedy and just TRUST more in god and let him give what he thinks is best for my kid, instead of me asking for what is best for him. As someone who is super religiously and who believes in god, why not TRUST him to give my son what he think is best and not me.